From FMA to Naruto, discuss everything you know! Post pages of manga, gab about your favorite show, embark on big adventures in RPs and play OOC games!
 
HomeHome  CalendarCalendar  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  MemberlistMemberlist  UsergroupsUsergroups  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  

Share | 
 

 I want opinions

Go down 
AuthorMessage
Guest
Guest



PostSubject: I want opinions   Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:49 pm

Hello people. I have decided to put the prologue of my newest story, The Love Store, on here. Please share your opinions and if you ask for more I will put more on here. Thanks so much.

The Love Store
By Jackie Foreman

Prologue
The town of Gardner was serene and quiet. The streets weren't so busy seeing that Gardner was a small place. The roads were made of smooth cobblestones and the buildings were made of stone. There were many shops near the center of this town...but only one was truly unique. On the corner of the of the quietest street, stood this special place. In 1911, Lucifer came upon it and made it his own, calling it The Love Store.
It was August 9th 1911. The night was cool and the air was thin. Up above the stars danced and shone down brightly upon the earth. The streets were cast with an almost eerie light from the full moon. Outside there wasn't a sound to be heard but the chirping of crickets. All but the drunks and a particular man, were asleep. Lucifer was the particular man, sober he was, and walking around town on this cool night.
Lucifer was a different kind of man. No one in Gardner knew him. But of course that was because he had just arrived in town at midnight. He was rich and cruel. He had no wives nor did he feel that any women was superior enough to be his bride. He didn't care about anyone he knew, just himself. A selfish, self-centered, bastard is what each and every person who knew of him had called him. On this night he was dressed in such strange attire. He wore a golden suit with shiny silver shoes. In his pockets he carried cigars and heavy amounts of money. He also wore a top hat that was also of silver. Anyone to see him and laugh...didn't get away with it. He was surprisingly handsome, and would lure anyone that had insulted him by flirting and offering large amounts of money to them. He even brought men to whore houses. But then he would take them to his house...and they would never be seen again. No one knew or would ever find out what happened behind the doors and windows of his mansions.
So in this small town ventured a man of money. You may question why such a man would be in such a small place. But no one knows the answer to that. Some say he had strange feelings about the town but no one truly knows.
He walked about the streets slowly, speculating every building he passed. When he reached the end of Barber Road, Carrington Street caught his eye. He wandered a bit more slowly down this street than all the others. His shoes were silent against the cobblestones and his suit shimmered in the light. He pulled out a cigar and match and without even striking it, a flame grew from the tip and he lit his cigar. He breathed the smoke in deeply and blew it out slowly. When he came across a store that was for sale he stopped and looked at the outside. It was a single story building with moss beginning to grow on some of the stones. He looked at the old wooden door and it flew open with a crash. Lucifer stepped inside and slammed the door behind him.
It took a few minutes of slowly gazing at the walls floors and build of the building to tell whether he wanted it or not. And he didn't. The door flew open again and he stepped back out into the road. He crossed another for sale that was a two story and inspected it the same way. Another he didn't wish to own. When he reached the end of the far stretching street the corner building caught Lucifer's eye. He stared at the outside. It seemed newer than all the others and seemed to be in terrific shape. He began walking to the door when a man hididng in the shadows cleared his throat.
Lucifer had sensed a presence following him but he had just chosen to ignore it. Now the man stepped forward in an awkward manner. He was barefoot and his feet were filthy. He had oily and disheveled brown hair. His attire was also a mess and he wreaked of liquor.
When he spoke, his words were slurred, "Ya lookin' for a place? I noticed ya wanderin' through the other buildins that are for sale."
Lucifer gazed at him disgustedly for a moment then asked, "How much do you want for it?"
The man laughed at him and said, "Two fuckin' million!" He laughed harder and pointed at him, thinking he was so funny.
Lucifer simply said, "Deal."
The man stopped laughing and started coughing. He looked at Lucifer in surprise as he just stood there, standing as though he were a god. The man continued to cough and a devilish smile curled the corners of Lucifer's lips. The man fell to his hands and knees coughed harder. Lucifer watched in a pleased manner as the man stopped coughing and began holding his throat and writhing on the cold stone road. He turned a violet color under the moonlight and finally weakened and then stopped his struggle. Lucifer chuckled and walked over to the man's dead body.
He looked at it then at the building and said, "I'd say it's free now isn't it?" He laughed and gave the body a hard kick. Lucifer stepped on him and made his way over to the building.
"I finally have my Love Store!" And with that the door flew open and Lucifer walked in, slamming the door shut behind him.
Back to top Go down
禁断の愛
Admin
avatar

Posts : 337
Join date : 2009-07-09
Age : 323
Location : Somewhere in Atlantica...

PostSubject: Re: I want opinions   Sat Sep 05, 2009 11:16 pm

Pfft... Jackie. Pfft... Alright, Toothpicks.

Lucifer... Is one kick-ass motherfucker. Seriously. No lies. You made him so like what I would expect him to be.

The descriptions were picturesque (pardon the pun...). Beautifully written.

Lovely! ^.^ And much better because it's all entirely yours, too. No Shinigami, no demons, like my stories... Which fucking suck...

GO ON!! MAKE LUCIFER KILL MORE CRACKERS!!!

_________________
When you laugh, I will laugh. When you cry, I will cry. When you jump out of a window... I will laugh.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://nerdcentral.heavenforum.com
 
I want opinions
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Preamp Opinions?
» Mystery snail just snapped off my labn fin
» Bilstein vs. KYB / shock/spring issues
» Some Opinions~
» Urban Fantasy/Paranormal Readers ... Opinions needed.

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Nerd Central :: OCC :: Post Your Own...-
Jump to: