Hypothetical Question (my life is in flames [sorta], at least spare me this one thing)

Okay.. Say you had this 'significant other', but you're not married or anything, and they're smothering you. You want them to stop their smothering-ness, but at the same time, you don't want to get them mad. You've told them to stop before and they only toned it down. What do you f*cking do??

Sorry to ask such an awkward question.. but I wanna know what you guys would do.

To tell you the truth, if it's the second time, maybe they're not ready for a steady relationship. I'd tell them to take it easy for a while and you two can sorta split up for a while. I'd tell them to see other people for advice and practice (and if I'm really sick of them, this may get them to fall for another, less free individual) and come back later in time, say, about a month, during which time I can decide; are they really worth the hassle of teaching them patience, or are they just a waste of space? When I come up with the answer, when we prepare to get back together, I'd tell them about how I want to split up for good or that I missed them and hope they've improved.

...Hypothetically.

Well.. What if you have a crush on another guy? I mean... What if that other guy was kinda, sorta just like you and this guy is your opposite. While this guy is clingy, the other guy is laid back and happy with being free. At least, I assume he is, I've never really dated the guy.

I don't know crap about relationships first hand, seeing as I've never actually been in one, but as from what I have seen from my friends', loved one's (love...ha), and school mates' relationships, I think I can be of at least a little assistance, or at least I hope.

When it comes to your first post, it's apparent that you are not happy with the smothering, and your attempts to confront it have had little to no effect. It's not like it's some pet peeve of yours, or a "minor" flaw in the other, but something quite significant, that's causing you some distress. I hate the idea of being smothered, and it seems to doom relationships. That, or the exact opposite, in which no attention is being given, but that's not the case. When it comes down to it, you need to put a foot down, and tell your other to back off now and then. If you were really such a great coupling, they'd be able to understand.

Also, you say you don't want to get your other angry. That seems weird. Most people wouldn't want to "hurt" their other, or make them upset, when in your case, you only wish to avoid their anger, and a confrontation. That's upsetting to me, and suggests that their is no feeling of care. Which, leads me to your second post.

In the second post, this other guy, this "potential other" is described as what sounds to me as the perfect match. By "what if this other guy was kinda like you", I assume you mean he has the same hobbies, tastes, sense of humor, etc. Sounds Grade A compared to the guy you're with now. However, the way you describe the other guy as "happy with being free", yet say you know little about him suggests you are afraid that if things go wrong with Guy 1 (the one you're with now), and try for Guy 2 (this potential guy, like you) that Guy 2 will reject you or something. That's a silly fear, and you should try anyways, if worse comes to worse. If you meant Guy 2 was just not as clingy, and was more laid back by saying he was "free", than actually you should just go for it!

After that rant, my final statement. Try being firm with Guy 1 if he's really worth it to you. If not, dump his ass, and try Guy 2. Who knows what could happen? At the most, Guy 2 says no, but at least you're now free *Waves Hands like flying wings*.

...Hypothetically, of course. Hehe...sorry if that sounded like I knew this was a real situation or something, it was just easier to direct it at you as if it were real, than to say "Hypothetically" every damn sentence. You get what I'm saying?

Yeah, I see what you're saying, Nova. Thanks for the help!

Since you both obviously know hypothetical questions come from real life, he tried calling five f*cking times... God, I'm dying. *chokes self*

Haha, you're obviously in need of escape! I wish I could send my roflcopter to get you, but it's broken!

Ohh, sempai... *sighs* What am I to do with you?

Nova, do yourself a biiiiiig favor... And never get into a relationship until you know for sure you have the patience of an elder monk.

*hits head on wall*

Unfortunately, I only have enough patience for myself.

Thus, to avoid all that relationship stuff, I do just that. Avoid.

Nova wrote:

Unfortunately, I only have enough patience for myself.

Good, keep that up. ^.^ Though, do spare some for your friends, okay? (I'm sure you do anyways, but still, it's nice to keep it in mind.)

...Wait a sec, wait a sec... He called five fucking times? He's more of a girl than you are!

Personally, I'd beat the shit outta him. Well.. First I'd say what was on my freakin' mind. Then I'd beat the shit outta him. Tell him I wanna kick his ass. And tell him I'll do it, too! Remember all the people on Fanlib and what they called me? Who they said I was? Damn straight, I'm him, so tell him I wanna kick his ass. And while you're at it, tell that other guy who sent you those disturbing text messages that I wanna kick his ass, too. While y'all are at it, might as well tell Sunlight to tell that guy who sent her all of those disturbing text messages I wanna kick his ass too!!

And while I'm at it...

Admin, tell that little rapist bastard who molested your sister that I wanna kick his ass!

Panda-kun, tell that hobo-motherfucker who claims he's your best friend I wanna kick his ass! And your boyfriend! I wanna kick his ass, too!

And Kimi, if you ever read this, tell your older brother and his best friend that I'll kick their asses again!!

If anybody else wants to say it, just tell someone who bugs you I'll kick the--

Admin, also tell that motherfucker Brendon (I think that's his name) I wanna kick his ass too!!

*sighs* Now . . . Where was I?

Oh, yeah. A logical explanation on what I'd do. I was getting to one.

...No, seriously, I was.

...Can we take a rain check on that one?

I wish you could! I wish you could just kick his ass!!

It's just that we've been dating for a year... He says he's in love, but I know it's not love. I'm his first relationship, there is no possible way it can be love. And he reluctantly agreed to be with me. Can't be love. No way, no how. We've been sticking it out as partners rather than lovers; friend to friend, like a teddy bear and... My best friend Gabby (bless her frickin' soul). I feel this isn't an actual relationship, but it's not so low as to be a game I'm playing, either. More like an experiment of sorts. So I'm pretty much fucked over here.

I'm also fucked because I've practically already faced rejection with the other guy; he shows a blatant uninterest in me. He doesn't have to point it out, it's simply there; I can see it in the way we communicate. Strictly acquaintance-to-acquaintance socializing, and I'd know from practice; our small talk is very awkward, there are a lot of silences, and we pretty much shuffle in our seats because I think he feels that it's so damned agonizing to be in the same room as me. I'm shuffling in my chair at those thoughts.

Sorry to share my love pains with you guys, but I'm totally stumped. There's no ace up my sleeve.

Though I'm loving the interest you guys are taking in this; even though you may not care about me in the slightest, at least you looked and replied. Thank you so much for helping me figure out stuff. I'd love to make it up to you in any way I can.

Think of relationships like... Poker.

Each and every relationship is a hand. There good hands (relationships that last over a week) and bad hands (relationships that crash and burn). If it is a bad hand, you fold. If it is a good hand, you ride it out.

Now, if it's a good hand, you need to check your cards; A Straight? Royal Flush? You need to know how good your cards are e x a c t l y. You're always aiming for the unbeatable royal flush, but you also wanna look for good hands too, in case anybody else has a bad one.

Now, if you have a Royal Flush, you'll know so; at least three years of no-conflict relationship (with the occasional spat that begins with slight anger and ends up with someone glomping the other; not real fights).

With the Straight Flush, you're not as high up, but you're still good in the game; at least a year of no-conflict relationship.

With a Four of a Kind, you gotta have a good kicker; meaning, you gotta have a higher card. It's about 9 months of semi-compatable relationship, the occasional disagreement or two.

With a Full House, better to have Aces full of Kings than Kings full of Aces. (In time, you'll get what I mean.)

Flushes, Straights, and Three of a Kinds all follow this one rule; Great! Now can you do that for... A year?

Like the above, the Two Pair, One Pair, and High Card all follow this one rule; GET OUT, NOW!!

Poker is best played not alone. Especially when you've got other friends in on the bet.

If you've got friends who had a relationship that started out like yours, observe (not stalker-like, people fail to pick that up) how they act and how they respond to one another. If you've got friends who have been in a relationship like yours (AKA had a bad freakin' hand) ask them about it, and, if it deems right... Fold.

NEVER POOL ALL YOUR CHIPS IN ONE POT!! THAT IS SUICIDE!!

In time, you'll understand that, too.

Now, I shall list the hands of all my friends on this forum to you, and I shall be very specific.

I'll start with me.

Kimi: Royal Flush. A beautiful hand of spades. Pooling in all her chips. Doing a great job milking you for all you got. Of course, she's single and digging it, so why wouldn't she be high-up?

Panda-kun: Four of a Kind. Pretty hand. Needs to comb its (*cough*his*cough) hair, though, and get a better kicker.

Sosa: Straight Flush. Of course, you can't stay mad at yourself forever, now can you? Single and not-so-loving it, of course, you can't really love yourself forever and be fulfilled in life.

Admin: Three of a Kind. Get the fuck out. Now. While the pot's not that laden with your dough. Get out.

Though I've done nothing so far to help you escape the torture that is the FIFTH CALLER, I am delighted to know I could finally lay down how I looked at relationships.

...You speak as though you don't believe in love.

You got that faster than others did.

I don't believe there is such a thing as love. I think there is merely a chemical in the body that makes us long to be wanted. I was apparently born without that because I feel nothing 'special' for everybody. Merely friendship to all of you who accept it.

Sorry to sound shallow or cruel, but you asked. Love is a sick joke nature plays on the body.

I'm beginning to think so as well. I thought it was love, too... And this chemical you speak of, you're beginning to make me think it's real.

Maybe Nature's playing a sick joke on us...

And that poker thing was really good. It helped me see. I want your Royal Flush, Kimi.

What? No! No, love is real! Love is purity put into form! Love is untouchable! You can't stop believing!

禁断の愛 wrote:

And that poker thing was really good. It helped me see. I want your Royal Flush, Kimi.

You can have it, Admin-sama. All you gotta do is fold.

Beaming Sunlight wrote:

No, love is real! Love is purity put into form! Love is untouchable! You can't stop believing!

I'm calling your bluff. That's all ridiculous lies those stupid romance movies put into your head. Anything can be love; hell, my cello could be said to be love! Love has all embodiments and that's what makes me sick! Love is everywhere and when we look past that we can see the reality is that love is not real; it's an illusion to keep you going, and only those who can look past love have the real strength to tremble on. Put it through your head. Love isn't real.

What the hell has gotten into you?! You used to be bellowing on and on about how love was so wonderful and how nobody could crush your dreams and how in awe you were of the powers of love!! What the fuck happened to turn you into a heartless bitch?!

The forums are no place to post secrets or arguments. I won't speak of this besides this one last thing: This is a futile uprising against truth.

Now let's stop arguing and observe our friend in need. The nature of this topic was to ask for help. So let's help her instead of ourselves.

...The hell with you.

Admin-sama, don't give up. Just keep trying to keep this fire aflame.

I'm getting off. Night.

Goodnight, Sunny.

So, Admin, you gonna fold or you going to hold onto your cards? You know, there are no opponents in this game. Work in your own best interests. In gambling, everybody's got an angle. You should be no different.

Besides, if Mr. Klingon is playing this game with you, you're pretty much bluffing about the cards in your hand. You call it a Royal Flush; it's a Three of a Kind.

I know, what a cynical point of view, eh? But it's so illogical to think that magic will happen and fix your cards without effort put into it. You gotta work for what you want.

Fold, Admin-sama. My advice, as a friend, is to fold.

...I may do just that. Fold. It sounds wonderful.

Wow...a few comments on all of this, seeing as I've already made my suggestions.

Kimi's Poker thing: Though cheesy (no offense), it was all pretty much the truth. Good advice.

Kimi's Opinion on Love (not real, but a chemical): I agree about 100%. Sorry Sunshine, I just don't see it as anything more than our animal instinct, trying to disguise itself with something "pretty". Perhaps this is only because I've never experienced it, so to me, it doesn't exist. I'm not saying I hate my family, but to them the "love" I commit (or it seems I'm forced to commit) is more or less a strong loyalty. It's different than that supposed feeling between "soul-mates", as I'm sure both sides can attest to.

Sunlight's Advice to Admin (keep this fire burning, or whatnot): What Admin is trying to say is there's no flame left to keep burning. In fact, it seems there is only cinders. I understand you wish for admin to keep believing in love, and you are entitled to encourage her to believe so, but the "flame" she has now isn't working. She shouldn't try to keep a dying flame going, but give up on it, and try again if nothing else. Most people become discouraged in the lines of love when they try to hold on to what isn't there, and end up heart broken. It seems like I'm trying to put down your opinion left and right Sunshine, and I do apologize if these seem like attacks, for I don't mean to. However, on this topic, I respectfully disagree.

Kimi's Folding Advice: Once again, I agree with Kimi. Admin...fold. To continue with the poker theme, try another hand, or hell, even another table.

On that note, I'm done. That be my opinion. If it serves you no good, screw it. After all, what do I know? I'm just some 16 year old single otaku guy who spends his Saturdays on RPGs and watching anime and reading girly manga. I have a loli-neko as my avatar for God's sake! I can't say I have experience.

Great, now I confused myself. I'm going to bed, but not before reading some K-On! Night!

Wait! On a lighter note, for the lolz, before I go:

Beaming Sunlight wrote:

You can't stop believing!

Nooo! It's...

*Bursts into song*

DON'T STOP BELIEVING!
And hold onto that feeling!
(Great...now that chorus will be stuck in my head forever.)

Now...LAUGH DAMNIT!

Haha! I thought the poker thing was delightful! Especially with her having such a great understanding of it!

It's funny, I just played poker today and won about 6.25 out of it. ^.^

And I love that song: I grew up listening to it.

Nova wrote:

I'm just some 16 year old single otaku guy who spends his Saturdays on RPGs and watching anime and reading girly manga. I can't say I have experience.

You make that sound like it's a bad thing.

禁断の愛 wrote:

You make that sound like it's a bad thing.

Last I checked, society thinks so.

And, you mustn't have seen my edit before you posted.

Nova wrote:

I have a loli-neko as my avatar for God's sake!

That pretty much seals my fate!

Oh well...I'm happy.